How can I teach my child to be more polite?

Politeness is a crucial social skill that enables children to navigate relationships and interact respectfully with others. Teaching children to be polite requires more than simply telling them to say "please" and "thank you". It involves modelling respectful behaviour, guiding them through social norms, and encouraging consistent practice. This blog provides practical advice for parents of primary school children who want to instil politeness in a positive and effective way.

Be a Role Model for Your Child

Children learn a great deal by observing their parents. Demonstrating polite behaviour in everyday interactions provides a powerful example for your child. Saying "please", "thank you", and "excuse me" in your own conversations reinforces the importance of respect and courtesy.

Modelling politeness also includes showing respect in tone of voice, body language, and listening skills. Children notice how adults handle disagreements, respond to mistakes, and treat others, and often imitate these behaviours.

Teach Your Child What (and What Not) to Say and Do

Guiding your child in specific situations helps them understand appropriate behaviour. Clear, age-appropriate instructions paired with practice can help children internalise politeness.

When Asking For or Receiving Something

Teach your child to use polite words such as "please" when requesting something and "thank you" when receiving it. Explain that showing appreciation makes others feel respected and valued. Reinforce this habit by acknowledging and praising polite requests and responses.

When Meeting or Leaving Someone

Polite greetings and farewells are fundamental social skills. Encourage your child to say "hello", "good morning", or "goodbye" when appropriate. Explain that eye contact, a smile, or a gentle handshake can accompany their words to show respect and friendliness.

When They Want to Say Something

Interrupting others is impolite. Teach your child to wait for a pause in conversation or raise their hand if necessary. Explain that listening attentively shows respect and allows everyone to contribute to the discussion.

When They're Eating

Table manners are an important aspect of politeness. Teach your child to say "please pass the salt" or "thank you" at the dining table. Encourage them to chew with their mouth closed, not interrupt others while eating, and wait until everyone is served before starting their meal.

When They're in a Public Place

Public behaviour also reflects politeness. Teach your child to speak in a moderate tone, respect queues, and follow basic rules in public spaces. Explain that their actions affect how others perceive them and can impact everyone’s experience in shared environments.

Explain What Being Polite Really Means

Politeness is not just about memorising phrases. Help your child understand that it is about showing respect, empathy, and consideration for others. Discuss scenarios where politeness makes a difference and explain why it matters. When children understand the purpose behind polite behaviour, they are more likely to adopt it sincerely rather than mechanically.

Be Patient and Don't "Force Politeness"

Children learn politeness gradually. Avoid forcing them to repeat polite phrases mechanically, as this can lead to resentment. Instead, offer gentle reminders and guidance, allowing your child to practise and internalise polite behaviour over time. Consistent encouragement and modelling are more effective than strict enforcement.

Encourage Polite Behaviour

Positive reinforcement is key to teaching politeness. Praise your child when they act politely, recognising both the behaviour and the effort. Rewards can be simple verbal affirmations or small incentives. Encouraging polite behaviour reinforces the value of respect and motivates children to continue practising.

Don't Tolerate Impolite Behaviour

While patience is important, it is equally crucial to address persistent impolite behaviour. Correct your child calmly, explaining why the behaviour is unacceptable and suggesting alternative ways to respond. Setting boundaries ensures that children understand the limits of acceptable conduct and develop self-discipline.

Don't Embarrass Your Child

Correcting politeness should be done privately rather than in front of others. Public correction can lead to embarrassment, resentment, and a negative association with polite behaviour. Approach mistakes with understanding and guidance, focusing on learning rather than punishment.

Conclusion

Teaching a child to be polite is a gradual process that requires patience, modelling, guidance, and encouragement. By demonstrating respectful behaviour, explaining social norms, and providing consistent reinforcement, parents can help their children develop genuine politeness. With practice and understanding, children learn not only the words and actions of politeness but also the underlying values of respect, empathy, and consideration, setting the foundation for positive social interactions throughout their lives.