How can I tell if my child is being bullied at school?

Every parent wants their child to feel safe, confident, and happy at school. However, not all children are open about the challenges they face, especially when it comes to bullying. Some children may hide what is happening out of fear, shame, or confusion, leaving parents unsure of what is wrong.

Understanding the signs of bullying and how to approach your child can help you take action early and prevent lasting emotional harm. This guide explains the forms of bullying, its impact on your child, the signs to look out for, and what you can do to support them.

What Are the Different Forms of Bullying?

Bullying can take several forms, and it is not always easy to spot. It can be physical, verbal, social, or online.

Physical bullying involves hitting, kicking, causing a child to trip up, or damaging a child’s belongings. Verbal bullying includes name-calling, teasing, or making hurtful remarks. Social or relational bullying happens when a child is deliberately excluded from groups, gossiped about, or embarrassed in front of others.

In today’s digital age, cyberbullying is also common. This includes sending mean messages, spreading rumours online, or posting harmful content on social media. All forms of bullying can profoundly affect a child’s confidence and sense of safety.

How Does Bullying Affect Your Child's Mental Health?

Bullying can have serious emotional and psychological effects on a child. It can lead to anxiety, depression, or a drop in self-esteem. Children who are bullied may start to believe the negative things said about them, leading to self-doubt and sadness.

Bullying can also cause physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, or trouble sleeping. In some cases, children may develop school avoidance behaviour because they associate school with fear and stress. If bullying continues, it can harm a child’s long-term emotional well-being and academic performance.

What Are the Signs You Should Look Out For?

Recognising the signs of bullying early can help you intervene before the situation worsens. Children do not always speak up, so paying attention to subtle changes in their behaviour, emotions, or school performance is crucial.

Injuries and Symptoms

Unexplained bruises, scratches, or torn clothing can be early warning signs of physical bullying. You may also notice that your child frequently complains of headaches or stomach aches, particularly on school days.

Some children may fake illness or insist they do not want to go to school. If your child’s physical complaints increase or seem connected to school attendance, it is worth exploring whether bullying could be the cause.

Behavioural Changes

Bullying can cause noticeable changes in a child’s mood and behaviour. Your child might become quieter, more withdrawn, or easily upset. They may appear anxious, irritable, or show sudden mood swings.

A once-confident child might start avoiding friends or activities they used to enjoy. You may also notice changes in their eating or sleeping habits. These emotional shifts often indicate that something is bothering them, even if they are not yet ready to discuss it.

Changes in Academic Performance

When a child is being bullied, their concentration and motivation in school can drop. You may notice a decline in their grades or teacher reports about distraction or disinterest in class.

Children who are bullied may also try to avoid specific lessons, classmates, or even skip school altogether. Sudden reluctance to attend school or complaints about particular peers can be important clues that bullying may be occurring.

How Do You Ask Your Child Whether They're Being Bullied?

Approach your child gently and choose a calm moment to talk, such as during dinner or before bedtime. Instead of asking directly, “Are you being bullied?” try open-ended questions like, “How are things going with your friends?” or “Is anyone at school making you feel uncomfortable?”.

Stay patient and non-judgmental. Some children may initially deny it out of fear or embarrassment. Reassure them that it is safe to talk to you and that you will not get angry. Listen carefully and validate their feelings by saying things like, “I understand why that made you feel upset.”

If your child shares that they are being bullied, thank them for trusting you and remind them that what is happening is not their fault.

What Do You Do If You Find Out Your Child Is Being Bullied?

Once your child opens up, focus on staying calm and supportive. Avoid reacting with anger or immediately confronting the bully or their parents, as this can escalate the situation for your child.

Start by gathering details — when and where the bullying happens, who is involved, and how often it occurs. Contact your child’s teacher or school counsellor to discuss the situation. Schools typically have policies in place for addressing bullying, allowing teachers to monitor your child’s safety closely.

At home, boost your child’s confidence by reminding them of their strengths and encouraging positive friendships. Enrolling them in activities they enjoy can also help rebuild self-esteem and resilience.

If the bullying affects your child’s emotional well-being, consider speaking with a child psychologist or counsellor. Professional guidance can help your child cope with and recover from emotional distress.

What If Your Child Is the Bully?

It can be painful to discover that your child is causing harm to others, but addressing the situation early can make a significant difference. Try to understand the reason behind their behaviour rather than jumping straight to punishment. Children may bully others due to peer pressure, low self-esteem, or difficulties managing their emotions.

Talk calmly with your child about their behaviour and explain why it is hurtful. Encourage empathy by asking them to think about how they would feel if the same thing happened to them. Set clear expectations and consequences while reinforcing positive ways to express emotions.

Work with teachers or counsellors to address the underlying causes and help your child learn better social and emotional skills. With proper guidance, most children can change their behaviour and learn to treat others with kindness and respect.

Conclusion

Bullying can have a lasting impact on a child’s emotional and academic development, which is why early detection and action are so important. Look out for physical, behavioural, and educational changes, and keep communication open with your child.

Whether your child is the victim or the one engaging in bullying, remember that both need support and understanding. Working together with the school and maintaining a calm, compassionate approach can help your child feel safe, valued, and empowered to make positive choices.